The unexpected side effect of getting vaccinated.

I recently had my first vaccination against COVID-19. I, along with many many others around the world.

The lead up to my appointment was like the lead up to election day. And as it drew close I felt more and more excited, bound to the community, like I was making a conscious decision that my jab counted. I expected to feel the same emotion as I do when posting that piece of folded paper into the box. A sense of excitement, freedom and privilege.

But I didn’t.

Instead I felt an overwhelming sadness. The gentle, caring medical professional asked many questions about my health, medical reactions to things and medical history. Then she proceeded to inform me about what was about to happen to my body. In quiet and positive tones, she went through the list of what I might and could expect after having the vaccination. Instead of euphoria, I felt a sense of dread. Like I was about to step into a spaceship with all the anticipation that the preparation encourages, and then someone turning to me and telling me that I might not return. Everything she said to me in the clinic I had already read and researched. But still. That sense of dread didn’t manifest into fear or anxiety. It became sadness.

I cried a little on the way home. And I can’t quite put my finger on why exactly. Not regret, not despair, not worry. Just a sadness that I can only attach to the changes that the community is experiencing, the uncertainty about our future, and the inability to know exactly what is happening around us.

And yet I will tell everyone I know that they should seriously consider getting vaccinated. That it’s for them, those close by, those far away and the greater good. I’ll tell everyone that it was painless and that I was treated with respect and kindness. I’ll tell everyone that it’s their duty. Like voting.

There will always be the ‘donkey-voters’ just as there will be the naysayers to vaccinations. And that’s ok.

I’m just not sure that I’ll tell them about my unexpected side effect.