I’m not talking major global issues or humanitarian problems here but the ability of some people to comment and warn rather than walk past or turn away. The ability to put themselves in another’s shoes (without trying them on, so to speak).
One of the first questions I asked my partner at our first date (back when dating was not a dirty or loaded word) was “are you the kind of person who will tell me if I’ve got spinach on my teeth?”
“Of course,” he answered and despite many tests over the years, he still is.
It takes a certain type of person to speak up to protect someone from embarrassment (in a non-judgie way).
My girlfriends will always tell me if there’s anything hanging off my face or if my clothing isn’t hanging right. Is that because they are my friends or because they are that certain type of person? I think it’s the latter. They also have the confidence to make the call.
A friend tells me a funny story about when she was sitting at a high-level UN meeting with Ministers and Representatives from many countries around the world, and not long into this meeting, her colleague leaned in and said “I think your shirt might be on inside-out.” It was. And she was embarrassed but grateful.
On one of my days off many years ago, I started the morning in a cafe reading the newspaper (back when there was ink involved opposed to a screen). After that I walked around the streets window shopping at quite a few places before deciding that I actually wanted to try something on. As I stood in front of the change-room mirror, I was horrified to see black lines smudged across my cheeks. Like camo make-up. No doubt the result of wiping my inky newspaper fingers across my face four hours previously. No one had said anything, not even a quizzical look. I had been walking around all morning with black stripes on my face. And nothing! Maybe they were being polite and non-judgemental. Maybe they thought it was an artistic or political statement. Maybe they just weren’t brave enough.
Only this week, as I was about to walk out of the ladies bathroom at a shopping centre, a woman approached me with “excuse me, but your skirt is tucked in at the back.” She meant, of course, that my skirt was tucked into my undies, but she was way classier than that. I was very grateful. She was definitely that type of person.
Is it about standards and trying to make people feel less than perfect? I think not. I really do think it’s about empathy. There’s a braveness too, in that the subject might turn around and say “I know! I like it like that. Don’t be so judgemental.”
I tapped a woman quietly on the shoulder at a pedestrian crossing once to let her know that her skirt zipper was down. Would I say the same, however, if it was a guy with his zipper down?
Maybe I’m not that empathetic or brave after all. Thankfully some people are.
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